They say, there are a lot of things better left unsaid. Unfortunately, the stubborn people will not take it into account. Their faith always seeks the final answer of the finish line. To have an unfinished business is not their typical. No surprised if they will always find any excuse to be straightforward and tell everything that comes up in their minds.
It sounds selfish sometimes, because they will only consider their satisfactions and curiosities. They will less think about others’ feelings and their comfortable level. But again, when it comes to give a judgment, you cannot please everyone. Pro(s) and con(s) will always be together, and the stubborn people will deal with that.
I, really deal with that.
It was exactly like the story between you and me. It happened when we were in the complicated cycle. Or.. just say, an unfortunate cycle. I barely said something beyond your expectations. Something that might disrupt your secure level. Something that you put in the lowest level to be heard (or to be said). Something that I finally said and put the half of the pride as its change.
However, those words were not coming as a reckless decision. They have been thought carefully as many times I could recall. I never been as brave as (or naive) like this before. I broke my own rule, just because I really knew what I really wanted. You, the person who can read me like an open book. The person with all the goodness and flaws that I can still adore. The person who always looked at me intensively. And the person whom his name appears in my prayers. Because of your existence, I eventually said those words.
But.. No, dear half.
As I ever told you, I did not want to have you as the return.
To have you always next to me was not my purpose.
To have you move the mountain, stand up in every good and bad times were out of my mind.
To have you make me as a girl who’s worth fighting for was not the part of my dreams. Not even once.
Since I clearly knew–actually both of us knew–because this was going to be nowhere. It ended up as another story and irony. Therefore, I said the words just to make them free. Back to the universe, the place where they were used to be. I let them fly again, right in front of the person who they have been addressed.
Then again, they say that there are a lot of things better left unsaid. And I was sure if one of them was your beautiful “I don’t believe you” sentence, in corresponding of my sacred words.
No, dear half. You should not say that.
If you cannot handle the appearance of the huge feelings. If you were afraid of being threatened by those words, your “thank you” was more than welcome. As I was brave to exclude all of those dreams in our story. As I was brave to let you come into my world unconditionally, I deserved a “thank you” at last.
I do apologize if I always sound selfish.
but, a “thank you”, would you?