DISCLAIMER: The following post contains of my self-mumbling about a very popular case known as “Career/Study vs Marriage”, which is inspired by people around me. I write this down just because I am starting to get irritated hearing the same old questions which always pop-up in the middle of heartwarming family/friends reunion. Reunions apparently have moved differently from a priceless moment to meet your loved ones, to be a moment that you need to pass it as quick as possible. Another disclaimer, no, this is not about my parents, they are truly great! hence, I have no complaints about them.
So, the story was started during the Eid-ul Fitr. It was the day when Muslims celebrate the end of fasting month, Ramadan. Usually, this celebration becomes one important moment for the big families/friends to gather. It is simple, you get the great moment to forgive and ask forgiveness from all people surround you. The important time for the human beings, as we believe in our religion, to be pure once again.
Sadly, in the middle of that heartwarming reunion, there will be some people who spontaneously ask “when will you get married?“. Especially when they realize that you are in the suitable and demanding age (although, the ranges of age would be highly debatable), plus you successfully had a job and/or finished the study. They will catch whatever your reasons might be, until they get the expected answers.
Is it rude, isn’t it?
At first, I thought it is rude. However, that is a part of my cultures in my home country. Like it or not, I have to accept it. I can’t restrain the existence.
I usually don’t pay attention too much on it. On the contrary, I replied the question with a joke, or with another excuse reason.
And of course, it won’t work.
They look me as an independent woman who has everything (based on their judgments), yet still greedy by finding another not-so-important thing in life. I have a huge passion towards research and study, and I have a big dream to contribute more for the development of science and technology in Indonesia (as I am now currently working as researcher in an Indonesian government’s research agency). Sadly, they are always scared and threaten by my dream, as if I will make such a huggeeeee mistake or sin in my life and then drag them altogether.
They actually don’t know me that well.
Just because I am a woman, and I have a huge huge passion towards research and career, doesn’t mean I don’t think for a second for building a happy and functional family. I even have a folder in my laptop in which consisted of details (estimated budget, concept, theme, decoration, etc) for my dreaming wedding ceremony. Kindly ask me about the task and responsibilities of a housewife, I’ll happily answer it completely. I read many books about marriage. I learn a family from my parents. I observe people. I take the good examples from them that I can apply to my future family. I follow a marriage group discussion based on my religion. I learn to cook. I learn to love and to be loved. I take a risk to love and to be loved.
In short, I am bloody prepared.
However, what I get as return?
Nothing, but another judgments.
“Don’t get over comfortable with yourself, you might run out the best time to get married”
“Why do you waste your time for continuing your study? No matter how smart you are, you’ll be a housewife who will end up in the kitchen, cooking”
“What do you search in life? A career? It will be limitless”
“Are you not afraid of being alone?”
Oh please people, of course I don’t want to be alone for the rest of my life.
As I told you previously, I want so badly to find “a home“. A person that you can come back to. You can lean on your head. You can share the world with. You can be with for the rest of your life.
I do really want it.
However, the reality might be far different. You have a consecutive plan like A – B – C, then God apparently would like to put it as C – B – A. Doesn’t mean it is bad though. Again, this is not about ego, this because of God knows the best and perfect time. Whilst, I do believe that I will learn a terribly a lot during the process.
As we know that a few things might come easily, while other things might comes little bit later.
However, there is a single line unifies them; that a right moment, in a right time, and nothing will ever be misplaced.
So… why do you bother me?
Unfortunately, not everyone understands. Not everyone would like to a deep look about it. Their judgments reach me much faster than their logic.
And again, I am not trying to be defensive. This is just a game of logic. And I have a huge hope that they would finally give an effort to understand.
However, when things go wrong once again, I don’t know what to say anymore.
I am holding my prayers. And to me, that is more than enough.
Dear my future husband, I thank you for your coming. And I won’t complain if you come as quick as I thought, or little bit later. Forgive my stubbornness, defensiveness, control-freak, perfectionist and out spoken behaviors. As all of those which make me awesome. As all of those which make me love you unconditionally. Altogether with your greatness and your flaws, we will be thankful for the rest of our lives.