I always be an ignorant person. Less sensitive one, I must say.
Most of the times, I often failed reading any signs. I wouldn’t have realized easily what lies within a person until they spill it out. It often happens that I don’t have any ideas when someone is actually asking for a help, or someone whom would like to ask any suggestion, or someone whom is actually not comfortable with the way I talk or behave.
Unfortunately, not everyone is pleased and able to talk anything directly to me. Either they hesitate to ask something, or they are really considerate to criticize someone.
In the other hand, I could be very straightforward person. I could really deliver my opinions or hesitations when I think that needs to do. Especially, when it comes to work or bureaucracy. Sometimes, I unconsciously show my truly self as the person whom doesn’t want to be ordered by a biased regulation or unclear job descriptions. I could be very brave in criticizing when I know that something goes beyond the rules and regulations. And sometimes, I don’t really think about the consequences when it eventually leads me to a something bigger that can block my way.
My braveness comes from a believe; “that as long as you do the good things, although it may seem as hell, they will eventually teach you something precious that could enrich you more as a human being”.
Later, here it comes the surprising point.
Deep down inside, apparently, I am a very very very considerate person. For many particular cases, I could really think about others first, before my needs. I could really neglect my feelings or probably sacrifice my times to help others.
At first, of course I found it surprising. But, as these things frequently happen, then I found it more terrifying.
Why is it scary?
Not because I hate to be a considerate person, nor because it seemed that I become weak, but it is more about that I could really put myself in danger.
Here I give an example. I have a closest friend. She currently didn’t agree about the politic environment in our country. On her post in a social media, she used a very strong word to mock one of politicians. At that time, I was surprised. How could she throw such a strong negative word towards someone that she only knew from mass media? Could it be those mass media trustworthy? However, if it could be true, then what? Why did not criticize the politician in a better and wiser way? There are always tons of ways to deliver opinions in a good way. Especially without hurting others.
Although, I also don’t know the politician by myself, then I was thinking, if someday, I also did such a huge mistake of which she didn’t know the story behind, would that she let me know in a gentle way? Or, would that be my sin published in viral world?
Another thing that also came to my mind, I am afraid that later, someday in the future, something bad could happen to her. I am not talking about Karma though, but in Islam, the religion that I have faith in, teaches me that Islam knows consequences. What you plant is actually what you get.
I am afraid, that either due to this thing or other things, she could take such a difficulty. I am afraid what if someone out there mocks her in that similar way? If that might happen, then I would probably the first person whom will not be happy of seeing it. Simply because that she is my friend, and no one wants to see their friends in such an unfortunate situation, right?
Nevertheless, if I could really recall carefully any memories I have back in minds, I am sure that I could give you tons of examples that I am being such a unconsciously considerate. But, no, I would not tell you everything of course, otherwise I would also probably tear myself apart along the way.
Probably, it is true that sometimes I need to relax my minds little bit from the crazy and unbelievable things happen in this world. I am not a superhero whom needs to save the world alone. No one asks me to carry all the world’s problems by my own self. Although I might have a dream to really see this world without any wars. I might have a dream to see this world without people whom hate each others, without people whom disrespect others, or without people whom consciously put others in dangers. But still, maybe life should be like this in some inexplicable ways. Probably it leaves us to a strong message, that every pain might have its own cure, and sometimes, we are not destined to be part of it.